Jadyn Case

Sunday, November 20, 2005 Some People

I love my family very much, but it doesn't mean I want to be with them or anyone else for that matter. I like being alone, away from those who ask and expect, free to do what I want when I want. I haven't lived in my homestate in 15 years, not one or five but FIFTEEN, so why do they suddenly act that I'm pushing them away? I've been private, quiet, and distant since the day I was born.

Today I get a call from a relative whom I use to look up to. She always knew more than I, being older and a therapist. Then in the past year I came into who I really was and suddenly my opinions and beliefs are somehow "wrong"? Although she wouldn't say it wrong was the correct word, every personal conversation has resluted in my being depressed, angry, bitter, or some other negative emotion. Why can't I simply be me? The me I've always been but too "afraid" to admit it.

It's fustrating but when the conversation is taking place I am too angry to discuss it rationally. Perhaps I also have to wonder if she's right, considering how I once thought she had all the answers, and I realize that she's not AFTER I get off the phone. Well, next time I am ready. And there won't even be a next time because I'll probably just bring it up whenever we talk again.

Life isn't as easy now as it was when I was 10. I don't just sit in the backseat of the car and get driven to grandma's house anymore. Now I live two states away, without the conveniences of getting there or the financial means, but family is suppose to be more important. Some of it is -- the ones I live with -- but the rest is not. That's not to say I don't care or love them. I love them tremendously but visiting isn't worth the aggravation.

Sorry, but that is how I feel!

Posted by Jadyn :: 9:28 PM :: 2 comments