Jadyn Case
Monday, November 21, 2005
Mid-Life Crisis
When is your mid-life? 40? Hopefully older. Well, I'm two years away from the big 4-0, and I've suddenly started feeling constricted. Like someone has tied me down. Normally that wouldn't be a bad thing but without the release it is. I've been longing for freedom, the ability to do what I want whenever I want, with no responsibilities. HA!!! Since it will be some time until my children are old enough to be ignored, I will have to make due with what I have, but that ain't much.
I'm also starting to feel sexual. As if this beast is inside me, trying to claw her way out. Yes, I want sex, lot's of it, but it's not just about the act. It's more of a mind-set. I want to feeeeeel sexy, desireable, hot, sassy, bold, beautiful, and lethal. Some of those things I already am, of course, but I need more. A lot more!
So will these feelings subside or are they here to stay? Anyone else gone through this? A couple of years ago, I was freaking about getting older. That isn't so severa anymore. Now I just wish for a temporarily different life.
So, what do I do? Buy new makeup, workout, cheat on my fiance (LOL), buy lingerie? Since I know it is all a mental thing, I'm not prepared to do the above or any other make-you-feel-good-for-the-moment actions out there. To change your thoughts you simply fake it until you make it? I can do that. Shoot, that's one of the reasons for this blog -- to unleash my inner slut.
Well as I'm working on that, I think I'll give myself a manicure and pedicure. Yeah, shiny, little toes are the way to go. Pink? Red? Green? Maybe I'll break out some lingerie, even though I will be alone tonight. A few toys? All great but not the cure-all. Guess I'll have to meditate on peace of mind. Definitely not looking forward to the hot flashes in another 10-15 years.
Love being a woman! ;)
Posted by Jadyn ::
8:04 PM ::
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Sunday, November 20, 2005
Some People
I love my family very much, but it doesn't mean I want to be with them or anyone else for that matter. I like being alone, away from those who ask and expect, free to do what I want when I want. I haven't lived in my homestate in 15 years, not one or five but FIFTEEN, so why do they suddenly act that I'm pushing them away? I've been private, quiet, and distant since the day I was born.
Today I get a call from a relative whom I use to look up to. She always knew more than I, being older and a therapist. Then in the past year I came into who I really was and suddenly my opinions and beliefs are somehow "wrong"? Although she wouldn't say it wrong was the correct word, every personal conversation has resluted in my being depressed, angry, bitter, or some other negative emotion. Why can't I simply be me? The me I've always been but too "afraid" to admit it.
It's fustrating but when the conversation is taking place I am too angry to discuss it rationally. Perhaps I also have to wonder if she's right, considering how I once thought she had all the answers, and I realize that she's not AFTER I get off the phone. Well, next time I am ready. And there won't even be a next time because I'll probably just bring it up whenever we talk again.
Life isn't as easy now as it was when I was 10. I don't just sit in the backseat of the car and get driven to grandma's house anymore. Now I live two states away, without the conveniences of getting there or the financial means, but family is suppose to be more important. Some of it is -- the ones I live with -- but the rest is not. That's not to say I don't care or love them. I love them tremendously but visiting isn't worth the aggravation.
Sorry, but that is how I feel!
Posted by Jadyn ::
9:28 PM ::
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Saturday, November 19, 2005
Sex Scenes
Anxious to enter the contest by Amber Quill Press, in January, I have been working on The Hunted (working title). I started about 3 weeks ago and was going along fine. The first 6 pages were great. Sure they needed work, they are just a first draft, but I was happy with capturing the mood of my hero. He was quite impressed by the beautiful brunette (my heroine) who approached him in the bar. Learning she isn't there for his good looks, he brushes her off, ever so gently, but his curiosity is piqued.
Switch scene and viewpoint and we are suddenly with the heroine in her home. Several minutes into her thoughts, there is a knock on the door and lo and behold it is our hero. He's furious and grabs her, wanting to know how she knew. Confused, she claims she didn't and suddenly they are tearing at each other, jumping bones and counters and the like.
What? How can this be happening? Forget the fact that they don't know each other. I have no problems with one-night stands with lusty strangers, but I had a problem with the hero disregarding his initial reason for being there and falling prey to his libido. I mused over this bump for a couple of days, brainstormed with another writer, Maria Shanti, then decided on a hopefully acceptable way out. Mission accomplished, right?
Uh-uh! I stalled for so long I couldn't get back into the bang. I must have stared at 'Peeling off the wet jacket...' for days. Suddenly checking my emails, perusing the forum of Romance Divas, getting a beverage, finding a snack, putting my hair up, sweeping the kitchen floor, washing dishes, filing my fingernails, taking my hair down, plucking my eyebrows, writing emails, washing laundry, making coffee, baking cookies, taking a shower, watching television, and surfing the Net was more important.
Of course this continued daily for another week, and then I had an epiphany: If I don't write then the story won't get written. Profound, huh? Last night I stared at my screen and deleted the last line. Could that be my problem? His jacket remained in tact and they began kissing. Then the phone rang, a friend came on-line, and the spiral began again. But I did have my epiphany! So today I closed myself off from the rest of the world and told myself I could not budge until the scene was written.
Alas, the sex is consummated, the scene is finished, and the hero is on to learning she did know. So what was the difficulty? I've certainly had enough personal experience to know what I was writing about. The mechanics are easy, but who wants to read a scene about inserting A into B and turning? The senses? Sure! She tasted cinnamon and vanilla from his tongue; smelled coconut in his hair; felt his smooth, taut muscles, as well as her own desire; and watched him watching her. Enough? Of course not! She also had to feeeeel.
At least it is done. Now, they will decide to work together to track the killer. Surely they will find time to become physical again, while traipsing through the forest in search of a madman? Of course, these two are hot for each other. Definitely hotter than I intended. But why should they listen to me? After all, they know what they want, and I am just the writer.
Posted by Jadyn ::
10:03 PM ::
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Friday, November 18, 2005
What Makes You Hot and Sweaty?
Now don't think this will be easy. Not only do you need to think of something that raises your meter from the sex you are attracted to but the other as well. So let's see:
First men! I have a thing for arms. Something about a man that can lift you is very appealing, gets the juices flowing. I also love eyes. Forget about the windows to your soul, they are just nice to look at. I was walking through a parking lot last month, and there was a man squatting, leaning up against a store. Near-sighted as hell, and not wearing my glasses, I didn't realize he was a cop until I got reeeeal close. He had the arms. Thick, bulging forearms with a tat etched on one. He wore dark shades, so as the smile spread across my face I felt the urge to turn my head. As if I was caught peeking at a private act. (I also had children with me.) He definitely perked up my morning.
Now women! As hetero as I am, I must say that I think tits are attractive on women. Not all women, but some. I had a roommate, many moons ago, who one day decided to change her shirt in front of me. They were these perfect little (not so little) globes. No stretch marks, no sagging (she also hadn't had children yet) --- just perfection. They were absolutely beautiful. Envious, I peeked, trying not to seem like a perv. She confessed she wore her bra ALLLLLL the time, even when she slept. Now that is dedication!
So what makes you hot and sweaty? I dare ya to let me know. Don't worry, I can keep a secret!
Posted by Jadyn ::
11:14 AM ::
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